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  • Voters List Details For 2019 Government Schools Grade One Admission Voters List Details For 2019 Government Schools Grade One Admission
    Assalamu Alaykum W W. Voters List details required for 2019 Government Schools Admission for Grade One (I.e. From 2013- 2017) could be obtained from below link of Elections Department : http://eservices.elections.gov.lk/myVoterRegistration.aspx
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  • This could be your last Ramadaan
    REMEMBER the beginning of Ramadan last year: the festive supermarkets with their jampacked aisles, the makeshift roadside stalls outside restaurants selling crisp sambusas and subiya, the sounds of Adhan emanating from Masajid... My house overlooked a Maghsalat-Al-Amwaat Al-Khairiyyah (a charitable organization which prepares bodies for burial in the Islamic manner), and as I walked home from the neighborhood supermarket laden with packages of food and other essentials in preparation of the next day’s fast, I caught sight of a family accompanying a bier in a hearse. The women huddled together, sobbing quietly, while the men stood at a distance in somber silence. It struck me: While I was going home to the comfort of my home and the company of my family, this person was being dispatched alone, to answer the stern questioning of the grave....
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  • Facebook staff to learn Sinhala insults after Sri Lanka riots
    Three months after Sri Lanka was rocked by deadly anti-Muslim riots fuelled by online vitriol, Facebook is training its staff to identify inflammatory content in the country’s local languages. The social network has been seeking penance in Sri Lanka after authorities blocked Facebook in March as incendiary posts by Buddhist hardliners fanned religious violence that left three people dead and reduced hundreds of mosques, homes and businesses to ashes. Until the week-long ban, appeals to Facebook to act against the contagion of hate speech had been met with deafening silence, at a time when the California-based tech giant was reeling from unprecedented global scrutiny over fake news and user privacy. “We did make mistakes and we were slow,” Facebook spokeswoman Amrit Ahuja told AFP in Colombo. The dearth of staff fluent in Sinhala...
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  • Time-tested bond of Sinhala-Muslim Friendship
    The Muslims of Sri Lanka, since ancient times have been in peaceful coexistence with the other communities of the Island and has proved to be an integral and inseparable component of the Sri Lankan society.



    According to ancient chronicles, traders from countries like Rome, Greece, Persia( Iran ), China, India etc visited Sri Lanka on trade missions. Arab merchants having maintained friendly relationship with natives, had ventured into the interior and coastal areas of Ceylon for trading, even before the advent of Islam. Arabs were only interested in trading and commerce in Sri Lanka in an honest and a just manner The present day Muslims of Sri Lanka, could therefore be considered the descendants of many of these Arabs, Persians, Indians, and Malays etc.  

    During...
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  • ‘වඳභාවය ඇති කළ හැකි පෙත්තක් මෙතෙක් සොයාගෙන නැහැ‘

    (ශාන්ත රත්නායක)

    බටහිර වෛද්‍ය ක්‍රමය අනුව වඳභාවය ඇති කළ හැකි පෙත්තක් සොයා ගෙන නැති බව ප්‍රජනන වෛද්‍ය විද්‍යාව පිළිබඳ මහාචාර්ය චන්දිකා විජේරත්න මහත්මිය අද (15) ශ්‍රී ලංකා වෛද්‍ය සංගමයේ මාධ්‍ය හමුවක දී පැවසීය.

    ආහාර සමඟ වඳ පෙති මිශ්‍ර කිරීමෙන් වඳභාවය ඇති කළ හැකි බවට අනියත බියක් සමාජ වෙබ් අඩවිවල ඇතිව තිබෙන හෙයින් ඒ ගැන...
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  • ආණමඩුව හෝටලයට ගිනි තැබු 7 දෙනා රිමාන්ඩ්
    ජුඩ් සමන්ත

    ආණමඩුව නගරයේ පිහිටි  මදීනා හෝටලයට පෙට්‍රල් බෝම්බ තබා ගිනි තැබීමේ සිද්ධියට සම්බන්ධ සැකකරුවන් 7 දෙනා මෙම මස 19 වැනි දා දක්වා රිමාන්ඩ් කිරිමට ආණමඩුව වැඩබලන මහේස්ත්‍රාත් සුනිල් ජයවර්ධන මහතා අද (13) නියෝග කළේය.

    මෙලෙස රිමාන්ඩ් ගත කරන ලද්දේ ආණමඩුව සහ ඒ අවට පදිංචිව සිටි තරුණයින් 7 දෙනෙක් වේ. ඔවුන් වයස අවුරුදු 18 - 22 වියේ...
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  • ජීවිත බියෙන් දිව ආ මුස්ලිම් පවුල් පන්සලේ හංගාගෙන නවාතැන් දුන් ගොමගොඩ හාමුදුරුවෝ
    ජීවිත බියෙන් දිව ආ මුස්ලිම් පවුල්
    පන්සලේ  හංගාගෙන නවාතැන් දුන්
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  • මහසෝන් බලකා කාර්යාලයෙන් ප්‍රචණ්ඩත්වයේ වැලගිය මුලගිය තැන් හමුවෙයි
    මහනුවර ප‍්‍රදේශයේ ඉකුත් මාර්තු 4 වැනි දා සිට  මේ දක්වා සිදු වු සියලූ ප‍්‍රචන්ඩ  කි‍්‍රයාවන්ට මුලිකව කි‍්‍රයා කළ  බව කියන සිද්ධිය සම්බන්ධයෙන් අත්අඩංගුවට ගෙන රැඳවුම් නියෝග මත සිටින මහසොන් බළකායේ  ප‍්‍රධානී බව කියන විදානපතිරණයේ අමිත් ජීවන් වීරසිංහ නැමැති සැකකරුට අයත් මහනුවර නත්තරංපොත කුණ්ඩසාලේ පිහිටි කාර්යාලය අද (13) සෝදිසියට...
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  • UN condemns anti-Muslim attacks in Sri Lanka
    2018-03-12 11:10:35 4 2109 The UN's political chief on Sunday condemned anti-Muslim violence that has targeted mosques and businesses in Sri Lanka as he wrapped up a three-day visit to Sri Lanka. Under-Secretary-General for Political Affairs Jeffrey Feltman urged the government to bring the perpetrators of the violence and hate speech to justice. Feltman, who met with Muslim leaders to show solidarity during his visit, "condemned the breakdown in law and order and the attacks against Muslims and their property," a UN statement said. Sri Lanka has been rocked by a week of violent riots by Sinhalese mobs who have attacked 11 mosques and at least 200 Muslim-owned businesses, prompting the government to declare a state of emergency. Three people have been killed and 20 wounded in the anti-Muslim attacks. On Sunday a Muslim-owned...
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News

Pleased with Allah’s Decree

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By :Mariam Anwer

 

WHEN there is just one son, parents have to make him live with them; when there are several, it’s easier, as some of them can go abroad. After all, parents should not be left all alone. That is why one should have many children,’ says a mother-of-five empathetically. I remain silent, not agreeing with her simply because not everyone is blessed with children.


My mind shifts to some childless couples and unmarried people I know.

If Allah has kept them barren, what should their outlook be on life during old age?

Should they constantly be complaining to Allah for the fate decreed on them, or should they accept their fate and be content with it, achieving peace of mind?

 

Almost anyone and everyone can choose to be ungrateful. A short person may wistfully look at taller people and lament on his or her natural stature; a pauper sitting on the curb may stare enviously at the glamorous cars passing by; a blind person can very well gripe about not being able to see; and of course how slightly dark-skinned people wish they had fairer skin.

 

If one were to cave in to negative thinking, ungratefulness and wistfulness for the blessings one has supposedly missed out on in life, he or she would be losing on something greater: the blessings they have been granted by Allah! Life’s just too short to lose the good moments wishing for what was not meant to be yours in the first place.

 

The tendency to be ungrateful and negative in thinking is admittedly more common in women; this is a fact that has been mentioned in several Ahadith.


It is common to behold an unmarried girl, desperately wondering why a decent proposal has not come her way. As years pass by, the pressure to marry her off mounts on her parents.


A married woman who has not conceived a child will despair hopelessly, as she hears of the third pregnancy of a friend who got married a year after she did.

 

Another mother-of-three, standing in her tiny kitchen, may be crying hot tears of envy at thoughts of how other women her age live in compound villas with 24-hour maids. The cycle of ingratitude continues throughout some people’s lives: want something – pine, despair for it – achieved it and forgot about it; want something else – pine, despair for it – got it and forgot about it.

 

And He gave you from all you asked of Him. And if you should count the favour/blessings of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, mankind is most unjust and ungrateful.”
[Surah Al Ibrahim,34]

 

There is great Divine wisdom behind the concept of being pleased with Allah’s decree, known as “Al-Ridaa Bil-Qadr”. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) prayed for this blessing in one of his ‘masnoon’ dua’s. It is indeed the requisite ticket to blissful peace of mind and unparalleled contentment of soul during this world’s life.

 

O Allah I ask you for a reassured soul, that believes in meeting you, and is pleased with Your Decree, and is content with what you have bestowed .”

 

But how does one achieve this desired goal?


Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught us a strategy to acquire this state;

Do not look to those above you. Look to those below you, as it will more likely remind you of Allah’s favors bestowed on you.”

(Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

 

Allah [subhanahu wa taála] says;


“And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others. For men is a share of what they have earned and for women is a share of what they have earned. And ask Allah of His bounty. Indeed, Allah is ever, of all things Knowing.”

[Surah An Nisa,32]

 

“…But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not.”

[Surah Al Baqarah, 216]


Also, we are encouraged to look up to those who do good so that we can try to be like them.

 

Allah [subhanahu wa taála] says;


“Whatever you have will end, but what Allah has is lasting. And we will surely give those who were patient their reward according to the best of what they used to do. Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer — We will surely give them their reward according to the best of what they used to do.”

[Surah An Nahl, 96-97]

 

If one persistently refuses – for Allah’s sake – to wistfully or enviously look at, or think about, people who are better off than him in worldly blessings, eventually he will reach a point when he will never be bothered by, or concerned with, what others have. Instead, he will focus on the good deeds he can do that will grant him a good destination in the Hereafter – the eternal life – where happiness and blessings are everlasting, not fleeting.

 

On achieving Ridaa Bil-Qadr, an unmarried woman will not feel anything when she hears of girls younger than her getting married or having babies; a childless man will not feel any regret or rancor when his brother begets his tenth child; an old woman, who has outlived her spouse and all her children, will not feel anything when she hears of other families gathering together on Eid. They will instead be content with what Allah has decreed for them and have a kind of peace and calmness inside them that cannot be bought with all the wealth in this world.

 

Allah [subhanahu wa taála] says;


“Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.” [Surah Ar Ra’d,28]


 

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Forgotten Heroines: The Housewifes Lament

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Money is tight. The kids are demanding. Skin is raw from all the cooking, cleaning and chores that have to be done every day. There’s absolutely no time to spare for anything else, whether it’s pursuing further education or volunteering for a special cause.

Does this sound familiar? There are Muslim women all over the world who find themselves at home, living life as domestic stay-at-home mums and housewives. It’s a physically and emotionally demanding job and it’s also a pretty thankless one. How can spending all day serving others, instead of being involved in some kind of noble, public cause, ever be truly fulfilling and worth recognition – not just by people, but by Allah (Subhaanahu Wata'ala) Himself?

Fatimah bint Muhammad is known to be one of the four most perfect women in the entire world.

Prophet Muhammad (Salallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) drew four lines and said to the Companions, “Do you know what these are?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He said, “The best women of the women of Paradise are Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid, Fatimah bint Muhammad, Maryam bint Imran and Aasiyah bint Muzahim (the wife of the Pharaoh).” (Ahmad)

Yet when we look at the biography of Fatimah bint Muhammad (Salallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam), one could say that in comparison to others amongst the early Muslim women, her life was relatively unremarkable. She grew up during a difficult time for her parents, when her father was being publicly mocked and derided for preaching his message; she lost her mother at a relatively young age and she married her cousin Ali ibn Abi Talib when she was about fifteen years old. Some of the most well-known ahadeeth related by her mention how physically demanding her lifestyle was, such that her hands would crack and bleed from the wheat-grinding that she used to do.

What made Fatimah so special? So special, in fact, that she will forever be known as one of the greatest women of Paradise?

Fatimah bint Muhammad is not known for an act of dramatic courage such as that displayed by Nusaybah bint Ka’b during the battle of Uhud, but she too provides an example for a situation that many Muslim women around the world live and continue to face: the everyday drudgery of life as a wife and mother.

Fatimah may have been the most beloved daughter to the Messenger of Allah, who was also the head of the Islamic State and leader of the Muslim army, but that didn’t mean that her life was one of luxury or ease.

Quite to the contrary, Fatimah was the mother of two young boys and ran her household single-handedly. Life was difficult back then, with none of the technologies that smooth our way through tedious tasks today. She used to grind the wheat for her bread with her own hands, to the point that her hands would crack and bleed. Her husband, ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib, was an employee of one of the Ansaar, but the income was meagre and they struggled to survive on a daily basis.

One day, weary and despairing of the toll that their lifestyle was taking on her, Fatimah decided that she would approach her father, RasulAllah (Salallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam). At the time, the Muslims had won a battle and, as a result, had captured several prisoners and other spoils of war. With the reasoning that as a member of the Ummah, she was entitled to some relief, Fatimah went to visit one of RasulAllah’s homes. She did not find her father present, but seeing her stepmother A’ishah, Fatimah shared the story of her bleeding hands and her wish for a maidservant to take on a share of the burdens.

Fatimah went back to her home, and when RasulAllah returned to his own house, A’ishah told him about his daughter’s visit.

That same night, RasulAllah slipped into his daughter’s home, where she and ‘Ali were already lying in bed.

Ali narrates, “I wanted to get up, but the Prophet said, ‘Remain in your place.’ Then he sat down between us until I felt the coolness of his face on my chest. The Prophet said, ‘Shall I teach you a thing which is better than what you have asked me? When you go to bed, say, ‘Allahu akbar’ thirty-four times, and ‘subhanAllah’ thirty-three times, and ‘Alhamdulillah’ thirty-three times for that is better for you both than a servant.’” (Bukhari, Book #57, Hadith #55)

After this, Fatimah never repeated her request for a maid ever again.

It may seem to be a small, insignificant thing, but subhanAllah this was one of the reasons for which Fatimah earned her position as one of the queens of Jannah. Her life was spent quietly serving her Lord, through her sincere intentions behind caring for her husband and children. Around her, there were many sahabiyaat whose lives seemed much more exciting, full of adventure and grandeur. Her stepmother, A’ishah, was a great scholar; her great-aunt Safiyyah bint Abdul-Muttalib was fierce in battle and the women of Madinah were renowned for their boldness in approaching any matter.

Nonetheless, for Fatimah bint RasulAllah, the path to Paradise was simple – though never easy. For every stay-at-home-mother and housewife who feels that her life is too consumed by daily drudgery, who worries that her life is too dull to be of consequence, the quiet strength of Fatimah bint RasulAllah is an inspiration and a reminder that no deed, however small or seemingly insignificant, is overlooked by Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Just.

For indeed, Allah does not allow to be lost the reward of those who do good. (Surah Hud, verse 115)

Jannah is not only for the Prophets, the martyrs, the ascetics, or the scholars; Jannah is attainable by every Muslimah, no matter her occupation or station in life. In the eyes of Allah, every sincere Muslim woman who pledges her life to pleasing her Lord is a heroine of Islam.

Zainab bint Yunus

 

මතභේදයට තුඩු දී ඇතු විල්පත්තු වන එළිකිරීම පිලිබඳ සත්‍ය කරුණු හා විශ්ලේෂණය අඩංගු වාර්තාව

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මතභේදයට තුඩු දී ඇතු විල්පත්තු වන එළිකිරීම පිලිබඳ සත්‍ය කරුණු හා විශ්ලේෂණය අඩංගු වාර්තාව.

A Research Publication on
Wilpattu Controversy
by
Prof. Shahul H Hasbulah
(Professor in Geography, University of Peradeiya)
Available at
M.D. Gunasena (Phone - 0112323126)
Lake House Bookshop (0114734137)
Islamic Book House (0772258259)

Price - Rs.500




Professor in Geography,

University of Peradeniya,
Sri Lanka
 

Brunei Darussalam Government Scholarships to Foreign Students

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Assalamu Alaykum Dear All,

Please visit the link below for details :

http://www.mofat.gov.bn/Pages/BDScholarship.aspx

Jazakallah Khair

SL Muslims Team

 

ACJU Appeal - Help the Flood Victims

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Assalamu Alaykum,

The ACJU Appeals the Public to help the Flood Victims.

Contribute to :

Bank Name : Commercial Bank

Bank Branch : Maradana

Account Name : All Ceylon Jamiyyathul Ulama

Account Number : 132 000 67 68

Jazakallah Khair

 

Saudi Hypocrisy & Sharia Law

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December 7, 2015 | Filed under: Colombo Telegraph,Opinion | Posted by: 
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By Hilmy Ahamed

Hilmy Ahamed

Hilmy Ahamed

A 45-year-old Sri Lankan mother of 4 children, still legally married to her Sri Lankan husband, has been charged for adultery and is to be stoned to death if the Saudi Supreme Court confirms her sentence. Her identity has been withheld honouring her plea to protect her family. Her alleged male lover, another Sri Lankan, will receive 100 lashes only, because he is not a married man. Adultery if proven beyond any reasonable doubt or by admission of guilt by the accused has no clemency in Sharia law and even the king of Saudi Arabia cannot pardon her.

Zina or adultery in Islam is classed as a Hudud crime (class of Islamic punishment that is fixed for certain crimes that are considered to be “claims of God”). To prove an act of Adultery (Zina), a Qadi (religious judge) in a Sharia court relies on an unmarried woman’s pregnancy, the confession in the name of Allah, or four witnesses to the actual act of penetration. In the case of punishment due to a confession, it can only be enforced if the person accused of Zina makes a confession and does not retract his/her confession. Once the person retracts his/her confession, they are not punishable because there is no proof of the act. As such, implementing this law is almost impossible under normal circumstances in Islamic Jurisprudence.

Islamic Sharia law, which conforms to any common law, is being bashed for this sentence. Different countries have their own laws, and anyone living in these countries need to abide by its laws. Singapore, who we try to emulate, has the death sentence for drug trafficking that is executed regularly. They also cane in public those found guilty of a number of other crimes. USA sends hundreds to the electric chair every year. No one calls Singapore or USA barbaric nations.

I do not intend to trespass on a legal system of a country or religion, whether it is considered primitive or otherwise. Sharia laws that I am aware of are suitable for all situations and nations, as it is a very fair and appropriate legal system, which should be implemented without prejudice whether the accused is a king or slave. The contradiction is that Saudi Arabia and many other Muslim leaders in the Arab world implement Sharia law selectively. Islam should not be bashed because of these miscreants.

There is no ambiguity, Islam has commanded the death sentence for adultery on the married, but a careful examination of this order will no doubt reveal that it is intended as a deterrent than a law to be implemented. Mufthi Menk, one of the most respected Muslim preachers and an eminent scholar on Islam, gives a very clear explanation on the implementation of this aspect of Sharia law.

Please watch;

 

Muslims as well as non-Muslims have started defending and bashing this sentence as deplorable in a democracy. The purpose of this article is not to defend or contradict their stand, but to argue whether Islamic obligations of this aspect of Sharia law were followed in sentencing our sister, a fellow Sri Lankan. Yes, she is reported to have admitted guilt, yet did this Sri Lankan female, who probably is not conversant or fluent in Arabic and the laws of Saudi Arabia, understand the meaning of what she was admitting to (or made to admit?), and the gravity of her alleged crime when she supposedly admitted to a relationship with one of her countrymen? Was she in a suitable mental state to be questioned? Was she provided adequate counsel by the law enforcement authorities as required under these circumstances? Did our diplomatic representatives intervene on her behalf? What was the role played by our Foreign Employment Bureau (FEB), the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and did our Government fulfill its obligations as she would have paid for any intervention when she took the mandatory insurance required by the FEB as a condition for her employment abroad?

Saudi Arabia implemented this aspect of Sharia law on Princess Misha’al bint Fahd, a young Saudi Arabian princess. She and her Saudi lover were publicly executed for adultery in 1997. She was a member of the House of Saud, and she was executed by gunfire at the age of 19. She was a granddaughter of Prince Muhammad bin Abdulaziz, who was an older brother of King Khalid of that era. She faced the firing squad because the Royal family did not want her to be stoned by commoners. An award-winning movie “Death of a Princess” produced by ATV in cooperation with WGBH in the United States brought this tragedy to screens across the world. Many countries banned this movie, including our own, fearing the wrath of the Saudi regime and its consequences.

In a comment to Dr. Ameer Ali’s article in the Colombo Telegraph, the Muslim civil society and religious leadership are accused of pandering to the petro dollars by not protesting about this sentence. I do not want to discuss Dr. Ameer Ali’s article. Instead, I would like to drive home the point that it is not the Muslims but our own Government that is pandering to the Saudi petro dollars. This is because our economy would not survive without the remittances from our slave labour trade.

One of the key aspects of Sharia law that Saudi Arabia and other Arab nations totally disregard is the need for a ‘Mahram’ (In Islamic sharia legal terminology, a mahram is an unmarriageable kin with whom sexual intercourse would be considered incestuous, a punishable taboo.) when a woman leaves her home or travels abroad. The key aspects of the Sharia law related to Mahram are explained in detail here. In short, a female needs to be accompanied by a person whom she cannot marry under any circumstance, ie, father, brother, son, etc.

They conveniently disregard this aspect when it comes to hiring maids to be their ‘work slaves’ from Sri Lanka, Philippines, Indonesia, etc. This is their biggest contradiction because they who control the holy cities of Makkah and Madina implement Mahram laws for those who perform Haj or Umrah – (A religious obligation of every Muslim who could afford it) but this is not implemented for their housemaids.

There are many stories of benevolence, love and tender care of numerous Arabs who have supported entire families to come out of poverty. Therefore painting all Arabs with the same brush is not justified. Yet, the tragic stories of considerable numbers who suffer under their masters are not acceptable under any circumstance.

We as a country are sending our own mothers, sisters and wives to be enslaved, and sometimes abused; the social consequences have been well documented. It is important that we phase out this slave trade by not sending our women as House-maids.

Instead, we must start training our young women and men to take on skilled or semi skilled jobs that are in great demand in Europe, the USA, Australia, South Korea, Hong-Kong, Singapore, Malaysia, etc, where their rights would be protected. Our Government must ban sending our women as domestic aides abroad, particularly if their rights and welfare cannot be ensured. They should instead be facilitated to earn a living with dignity, self-respect, adequate remuneration and security. This is the need of the hour, and challenging the laws of other nations will get us nowhere. Meanwhile, it is the duty of our Government to do everything in its power to get this lady released, and ensure the safety of all our citizens working abroad.

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Quran and Ahadith on the Charity

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1. The Quran

 

Attitude of the giver of charity

Those who spend their wealth in the way of Allah and do not follow up their spending by stressing their benevolence and causing hurt, will find their reward secure with their Lord. They have no cause for fear and grief.

To speak a kind word and to forgive people's faults is better than charity followed by hurt. Allah is All-Sufficient, All-Forbearing

Believers! Do not nullify your acts of charity by stressing your benevolence and causing hurt as does he who spends his wealth only to be seen by men and does not believe in Allah and the Last Day. The example of his spending is that of a rock with a thin coating of earth upon it: when a heavy rain smites it, the earth is washed away, leaving the rock bare; such people derive no gain from their acts of charity. Allah does not set the deniers of the Truth on the right way. (2:262 - 264)

 

The needy who do not do beg

Those needy ones who are wholly wrapped up in the cause of Allah, and who are hindered from moving about the earth in search of their livelihood especially deserve help. He who is unaware of their circumstances supposes them to be wealthy because of their dignified bearing, but you will know them by their countenance, although they do not go about begging of people with importunity. And whatever wealth you will spend on helping them, Allah will know of it. (2:273)

 

Economic exploitation

And do not become like the woman who, after having painstakingly spun her yarn, caused it to disintegrate into pieces. You resort to oaths as instruments of mutual deceit so that one people might take greater advantage than another although Allah puts you to the test through this. Surely on the Day of Resurrection He will make clear the truth concerning the matters over which you differed. (16:92)

 

Food and the needy

Have you seen him who belies the rewards and punishments of the Hereafter? He it is who drives away the orphan and does not urge giving away the food of the poor. (107:1 - 3)

Give to the near of kin his due, and also to the needy and the wayfarers. Do not squander your wealth wastefully; for those who squander wastefully are Satan's brothers, and Satan is ever ungrateful to his Lord. (17:26 - 27)

 

Greed

Look, you are being called upon to expend in Allah's Way, yet some of you are being niggardly, whereas the one who is niggardly is, in fact, being niggardly only to himself. Allah is Self-Sufficient: it is you who are the needy. If you turn away, Allah will replace you by another people, and they will not be like you. (47:38)

 

Moderation in giving

Do not keep your hand fastened to your neck nor outspread it, altogether widespread, for you will be left sitting rebuked, destitute. (17:29)

(In reference to the slaves of Allah) "who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor miserly but keep the golden mean between the two (extremes) (25:67)

 

Righteousness

You shall not attain righteousness until you spend out of what you love (in the way of Allah). Allah knows whatever you spend. (3:92)

 

Sadaqa

(O Prophet!) Tell those of My servants who believe that they should establish Prayer and spend out of what We have provided them with, both secretly and openly, before there arrives the Day when there will be no bargaining, nor any mutual befriending. (14:31)

 

Stinginess

Allah does not love the arrogant and the boastful, who are niggardly and bid others to be niggardly and conceal the bounty which Allah has bestowed upon them. We have kept in readiness a humiliating chastisement for such deniers (of Allah's bounty) (part of 4:36 and all of 4:37)

 

Zakat-what you owe from your money

The people who where given the Book before this did not divide into sects until after the clear statement (of the Right Way) had come to them, and the only Command they were given was to worship Allah, making their religion sincerely His, turning all their attention towards Him, and to establish the Salat and to pay the Zakat: for this alone is the most true and right religion. (98:4 - 5)

Establish Prayer and dispense the Purifying Alms (Zakat) and bow in worship with those who bow (2:43)

The believers, both men and women, are allies of one another. They enjoin good, forbid evil, establish Prayer, pay Zakah, and obey Allah and His Messenger. Surely Allah will show mercy to them. Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise (9:71)

The alms (Zakat in this specific verse's case) are meant only for the poor and the needy and those who are in charge thereof, those whose hearts are to be reconciled; and to free those in bondage, and to help those burdened with debt, and for expenditure in the way of Allah and for the wayfarer. This is an obligation from Allah. Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. (9:60)

 

2. The Hadith

 

Begging

Narrated Hakim bin Hizam that the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

The upper hand is better than the lower hand (i.e. he who gives in charity is better than him who takes it). One should start giving first to his dependents. And the best object of charity is that which is given by a wealthy person (from the money which is left after his expenses). And whoever abstains from asking others for some financial help, Allah will give him and save him from asking others, Allah will make him self-sufficient. (Bukhari)

 

Abu Huraira related that the Prophet said:

He who makes a habit of asking from others reaches out for a brand of Fire, so let him refrain or continue, as he desires. (Muslim)

 

Clothing

Ibn Abbas related that the Prophet said:

Any Muslim who gives a Muslim a garment to wear will be in Allah's safekeeping as long as a shred of it remains on him. (Ahmad, Tirmidhi)

 

Debt: Relieving the person in debt

Abu Qatadah related that the Prophet said:

If anyone would like Allah to save him from the hardships of the Day of Resurrection, he should give more time to his debtor who is short of money, or remit his debt altogether. (Muslim)

 

Food and the needy

Safwan ibn Salim related that the Prophet said:

Anyone who looks after and works for a widow and a poor person is like a warrior fighting for Allah's cause, or like a person who fasts during the day and prays all night. (Bukhari)

 

Anas related that the Prophet said:

If any Muslim plants something or sows seed from which a man, a bird or an animal eats, it counts as a charity for him. (Bukhari, Muslim)

 

Relatives who are needy

Abu Huraira narrated that the Prophet said:

The best charity is that which is practiced by a wealthy person. And start giving first to your dependents. (Bukhari)

 

Salman ibn Amer reported that the Prophet said:

To give something to a poor man brings one reward, while giving the same to a needy relation brings two: one for charity and the other for respecting the family ties. (Ahmad, Ibn Majah, Nasai, Tirmidhi)

 

Stinginess

Jabir reported that the Prophet said:

Avoid doing injustice to others, for on the Day of Judgment, it will turn into manifold darkness, and safeguard yourself against miserliness, for it ruined those who were before you. It incited them to murder and treating the unlawful as lawful. (Muslim)

 

Zakat- what you owe from your money

Abbas related that a man asked the Prophet, Tell me what should I do to be admitted to Paradise and he (the Prophet) answered:

Worship Allah associating nothing with Him, observe Salat, pay Zakat and strengthen the ties of kinship. (Bukhari, Muslim)

 

Abu Huraira related that the Prophet said:

When someone is made rich but he does not pay Zakat for his wealth, then on the Day of Judgment his money will be turned into a poisonous snake with two black spots on its head. It will coil around his neck and bite his cheeks and say: 'I am your wealth, I am your treasure'. Then the Prophet recited verse 3:180 of the Quran. (Bukhari)

 

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Medical Mafia, Ethics & Education

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By Hilmy Ahamed

Hilmy Ahamed

Hilmy Ahamed

Sri Lanka has exemplary health indicators and is often referred to as a model for other developing nations. This is due to the yeomen service provided by a number of dedicated health professionals. Yet, Sri Lanka is one of the few countries that a large number of mercenary medical professions and industry are allowed to hold the sick to ransom, despite the Hippocratic oath taken by its doctors.

One would hardly find a doctor who would give evidence against his or her own during times of medical neglect. Today, the medical industry has been commercialized to the extent that they hold the patient and their family’s hostage even after the death of a patient.

Medical conditions become emotionally desperate situations where the immediate family is obliged to provide the best to their sick, and in most cases way beyond what is affordable. This leads to situations where they just cannot afford to settle the final medical bills even to discharge the body after a death. The hospitals do not warn the patient’s family of the estimated costs. Even when they do, it probably is too late as the patient’s condition is far too vulnerable to move them out to an affordable facility. Recently, we received the welcome news of a Colombo court ordering the management of a private hospital to release the body of a deceased immediately to his close relatives, which was reportedly detained for several days until the hospital’s exorbitant bill was settled.

Further, the sky rocketing cost of the doctor’s fees is settled through a “chit” plundering the patient and defrauding the state of its taxes. This has been an accepted practice and the authorities are fully aware of this scam, yet no action has been taken against this unscrupulous practice, fearing incarceration by the industry and the wrath of the medical profession. There are no safeguards through the consumer protection authority or any other state institutions on the health industry due to the fear of trade union action by these shylocks, who want their pound of flesh. Their trade union action or holding patients to ransom is totally against the Hippocratic oath they take and are as hypocritical as their practice. The state should intervene firmly and ensure that the citizens are provided quality private medical facilities at an affordable cost because the majority of them have studied for “FREE” in our state universities and schools.

The health industry has become lucrative global ventures and there is high demand for medical education, which our state universities are unable to cope with. We now see a large number of students who pass the GCE A’ Level examination with above average results and are unable to enter local medical universities. They are leaving to study abroad at exorbitant costs and several other negative outcome. Parents who dream of a medical education for their children use their meager saving and sometimes sell or mortgage their valuable assets to provide this education abroad, eventually to lose them to some foreign nation. Very few countries offer full or partial scholarships for medical education. Sri Lanka Medical Council that has thwarted private medical education locally has no qualms about allowing these foreign graduates to work in Sri Lanka if they pass the Examination for Registration to Practice Medicine (ERPM) formerly know as act 16 examinations.

The students, who now attend foreign medical collages, are also eating in to the country’s scarce foreign exchange resources. This, and the negative cultural and social consequences of displacement could be easily avoided if private medical education is encouraged in Sri Lanka with state hospitals providing the necessary clinical facilities and other support for a fee if required. After all, this education is for our own children and they have the right to use the taxes paid by their parents. Yet, the Sri Lanka Medical Council and some student unions oppose this, citing various reasons. They have no reservations about the same students graduating from foreign universities and practicing alongside them locally. The often-claimed reason for opposing is their eligibility is due to their poor advanced level results. This is not true as they have passed the GCE A’ level with the requirements set as per the university grants commission. Further, if their grades are sufficient to follow medical education abroad that has been approved by the Sri Lanka Medical Council and are eligible to practice locally, they should have the option of studying locally in their own home environment. The investment Sri Lanka made on these smart kids on their primary education too is increasingly harnessed by foreign nations. Further, they are compelled to move away from their families, friends and culture, which in itself is a traumatic experience.

The Government provides free education up to the degree and even postgraduate levels. There are also private or international schools that have filled a vacuum for quality education by those who could afford it, but the opportunities for private school candidates who follow the international curriculum to enter local universities is restricted. There is also considerable social prejudice against these students. This is an infringement on their basic human rights. Their parents probably are all taxpayers. Many students therefore are forced to turn to private institutions in Sri Lanka or go abroad to obtain their degrees. While some foreign graduate and postgraduate programmes are offered and accepted, medical students continue to face many obstacles due to the medical mafia not allowing accreditation to any local private medical degree awarding programmes.

The basic education requirement to follow a medical degree course is 3 passes at A’ Level In the Science stream (Biology, Chemistry, Physics or Mathematics). Today, even students who have all A grades in their advanced level are not guaranteed admission to a local university of their choice. As per a study undertaken by NR de Silva , A Pathmeswaran and HJ de Silva, “approximately 850–900 enter the six state medical schools in Sri Lanka. The university grants commission, with a policy that has remained basically unchanged for several decades, centrally administers this. “At present, 40% of seats are awarded on the sole basis of the GCE A level aggregate score (‘merit quota’), and 55% is divided among the 25 districts of Sri Lanka. The balance 5% is reserved for 13 ‘educationally underprivileged’ districts”

The district quota system was introduced to facilitate students from backward areas to enter universities with a lesser grade. This is seen by urban students as a breach of their fundamental right to seek university education on their merit, yet this is seen by the majority as an incentive for students from rural areas to have access to university education. While admitting it as an elitist notion to object to this concession, this quota system has been accused of being the destroyer of quality higher education in Sri Lanka. It is the responsibility of the state to provide quality education without discrimination to all its citizens.

In 2014, the former government of Mahinda Rajapaksa laid down plans to set up ten foreign universities in Sri Lanka by 2020, under its ambitious target of making Sri Lanka an international hub of excellence in higher education.

The University of Central Lancashire in Britain started their project of setting up a branch campus in Mirigama, Sri Lanka, with an investment of US $ 120 million. They have received tax holidays, along with duty waivers for items that are to be imported for the execution and implementation of the project. Regretfully, this has not taken off as yet and the much expected “laying of the foundation stone” during the visit of Prince Charles during his visit to CHOGM 2014 did not take place.

The first private medical collage was established in 1980 as the North Colombo Medical College. However, due to heavy opposition from the Marxist unions, some medical professionals, state university students and other professionals, the college was nationalized and renamed the Kelaniya Medical Faculty. The North Colombo Medical College as a private medical university was fully supported by a large number of medical professionals.

The next attempt at setting up a private medical college was the South Asian Institute of Technology and Medicine (SAITM). A brilliant concept and the brainchild of Dr Neville Fernando. This was undertaken in collaboration with the Nizhny Novgorod State Medical Academy, Russian Federation. Here, the final year students were offered entrance to the Nizhny Novgorod State Medical Academy in Russia, which has been recognized by the Sri Lanka Medical Council, thereby allowing its graduates to practice medicine in Sri Lanka after passing the licensing examination.

SAITM also started a local MBBS programme 5 years ago. To provide clinical support, Dr Neville Fernando invested heavily in setting up the Dr Neville Fernando Teaching Hospital (NFTH), a 1002 bed facility ( a bed more than the Japanese grant of the Sri Jayawardenepura hospital to JR Jayawardene in recognition of his support at the Treaty of San Francisco or San Francisco Peace Treaty ). The hospital’s website claims “NFTH is not, yet another private hospital in the country, which charges exorbitant prices from their patients for the services provided. The hospital services are presented in such a way that it is very much affordable to the greater majority of the local population who are average or lower middle income earners, but never compromising on the service standards or the quality of medical care. As a socially responsible corporate citizen, Dr Neville Fernando Teaching Hospital (NFTH) reserves 20% of the operational bed capacity for the benefit of the less privileged patients offering free beds and medical care at a concessionary rate. It also charges heavily discounted and subsidized rates for the medicine, lab and radiologic investigations”.  A noble concept indeed.

The were recent media reports that Sri Lanka Medical Council has concluded that the clinical facilities for medical education at SAITM is inadequate and that it cannot be recognized as a medical degree awarding institution. There is an intake of students who are completing their degree programme this year, and now these students have complained to the human rights commission on the breach of their fundamental right by the Sri Lanka Medical Council. They also staged a peaceful demonstration outside the Sri Lanka Medical Council against their discrimination. Prof. Carlo Fonseka as President of the Sri Lankan Medical Council has accused the Neville Fernanda Teaching hospital of neglect and responsibility for the bacterial infection of the late Ven. Sobitha Thero while receiving treatment at the hospital.

This is seen as a ploy by the mafia to stir up a revolt against the noble initiative of Dr Neville Fernando and his social venture. Dr Fernando has taken steps to sue Prof. Fonseka for a staggering Rs. 500 Million for falsely accusing the hospital. It is indeed regrettable that Prof. Fonseka, an octogenarian has made such statement. Questions have been raised as to his medical capability at 83 to take rational decisions involving the health of the nation.

If the reasons for the Sri Lanka Medical Council rejecting the SAITM medical degree are valid, it is incumbent on the government to investigate and make necessary arrangements to support and ensure that the clinical facilities are upgraded to the required standards or provide access to clinical training for private medical education in state hospitals. If the well-equipped Dr Neville Fernando Teaching Hospital (NFTH) is below the required standard, It is incumbent on the government to support this socially conscious private entrepreneur to elevate the quality of patient care and clinical facilities to the required standards. After all, Dr Niville Fernando is also providing a yeomen service by providing subsidized medical facilities to the needy, which is the responsibility of the government. This will ensure that the degree offered by this private university is as good and recognized as any other in the country. The government should also assist in improving this hospital as there are no hospital facilities for the people of Battaramulla, Kaduwela, Malabe and beyond that is equipped with modern facilities

 

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ඔස්ට්‍රේලියාවේ මුස්ලිම්වරුන්ට 'ජාතිවාදය'

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ඕස්ට්‍රේලියාවේ වෙසෙන සෙසු ආගමිකයන්ට වඩා තුන් ගුණයකින් එහි වෙසෙන මුස්ලිම් ප්‍රජාව ජාතිවාදී නොසලකා හැරීම්වලට ගොදුරු වන බව සමීක්ෂණයකින් සොයා ගෙන තිබේ.

සමීක්ෂණය සඳහා සිඩ්නි නුවර වෙසෙන මුස්ලිම් ජාතිකයන් හයසිය දෙනෙකු යොදා ගෙන ඇති අතර ඉන් සියයට පනස් හතක් පවසා ඇත්තේ තමන් ජාතිවාදී නොසලකා හැරීම්වලට මුහුණ දී ඇති බවයි.

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ජාතිවාදී නොසලකා හැරීම් හේතුවෙන් තරුණ මුස්ලිම් පිරිස් රැඩිකල්වාදය වෙත නැඹුරු විය හැකි බවට විද්වතුන් පිරිසක් අනතුරු හැඟ වූයේ සිඩ්නි නුවර පැවති ඉස්ලාමීය සමුළුවකදීයි.

කෙසේ වෙතත් සමීක්ෂණයට සහභාගී වූ පිරිසෙන් සියයට අසූ පහක් කියා සිටියේ මුස්ලිම් ජාතිකයන් සහ සෙසු ජාතීන් අතර සුහදත්වයක් පවතින බව තමන් තවදුරටත් විශ්වාස කරන බවයි.

ඕස්ට්‍රේලියාවේ සම්පූර්ණ ජනගහනයෙන් සියයට දෙකක් මුස්ලිම් ජාතිකයන්.

http://www.bbc.com/sinhala/world/2015/11/151130_tr_australia_muslims

 

‘‘බෞද්ධ ඉස්ලාමීය සුහදත්වය“ දර්ගා නගරයේ දී එළි දකියි

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දැන් තිබෙන්නේ යහපාලනය හා සංහිදියාව ගොඩනගන්න අවශ්‍ය යුගයක් බවත් ජාතික සමගිය මෙන්ම සහජීවනය හා සබැදියාව අපේ රටට ඉතාමත් අවහ්‍ය කරන යුගය් බවත් ජනමාධ්‍ය අමාත්‍ය ගයන්ත කරුණාතිලක මහතා දර්ගා නගරයේ දී කීවේය.

ඇමතිවරයා මේ බව කියා සිටියේ දර්ගා නගරයේ දි ‘‘බෞද්ධ ඉස්ලාමිය සුහදත්වය සහ මුස්ලිම් සමාජය“ නම් කෘතිය එළිදැක්වීමේ අවස්ථාවට සහභාගී වෙමිනි. දේශීය මුස්ලිම් වෙද පරපුරකින් පැවත එන මුනව්වරුල් අෆ්ලල් මහතා විසින් මේ පොත රචනා කැර තිබිණි.

හිටපු අමාත්‍යවරයකු වූ ඉමිටියාස් බාකිර් මාකර් මහතාගේ ආරාධනයකට අනුව ජනමාධ්‍ය ඇමතිවරයා මේ උත්සවයට සහභාගී වූයේය.

අමාත්‍යවරයා වැඩිදුරටත් මෙසේ ද කිවේය.

මුස්ලිම් ජනතාව ඉතා දීර්ඝ කාලයක සිට සිංහල ජනතාව සමග ඉතාම සුහදව කුළුපගව ජීවත් වුනු බව අපි කවුරුත් අහලා තියෙනවා. දන්නවා. එදා ශී‍්‍ර වික‍්‍රමරාජසිංහ රජතුමාට වෙදකම් කළේ පවා මුස්ලිම්වරු කියලා ඉතිහාසය සාක්ෂි දරනවා. සමහර මුස්ලිම් ජාතිකයෝ ඉන්නවා සිංහල නම් ගම් වාසගම් පවා තිබෙන අය. ලංකා ඉතිහාසය ගැන රොබට් නොක්ස් මහත්තයා ලියපු එදා හෙළ දිව නම් කෘතියේ මුස්ලිම් සිංහල සම්බන්ධතාවය ගැනඉතාම පැහැදිලිව සඳහන් කරලා තියෙනවා.

සමහර පන්සල් සමග මුස්ලිම්වරු ඉතා සමීපව කටයුතු කරලා තියෙනවා. බොහෝ බෞද්ධ පෙරහැර වලට මුස්ලිම්වරු දායකත්වය ලබා දීලා තිබෙනවා. මෑත කාලයේ සති දෙකතුනකට උඩින් අපි දැක්කා මුස්ලිම් සම්බන්ධතාවය අපේ සෝභිත හාමුදුරුවෝ අපවත් වූ වේලාවේ ඒ ආදාහන පූජෝත්සවයේ කටයුතු වලට මුස්ලිම් ජනතාව බොහෝ උනන්දුවකින් කැපී පෙනෙන අයුරින් කටයුතු කළ බව. මෑත ඉතිහාසයේ දේශපාලන තුළත් ඒ සම්බන්ධතාවය අපි දකිනවා. පාර්ලිමේන්තුව නියෝජනය කරන මුස්ලිම් දේශපානඥයන්ට සිංහල උදවියගේ සහයෝගය ලැබුණු ආකාරය අපි දැක්කා. බේරුවල, බලංගොඩ, රුවන්වැල්ල, පොළොන්නරුව, කොළඹ ඒ වගේ සහයෝගය ලැබුණා.

ටී.බී ජයා, ජබීර් වේ කාදර්, බාකීර් මාකර් පියපුතු දෙපල උදාහරණ රාශියක් ජාතික සමගිය ගැන ජාතික දේශපාලනයේ අපිට මතක් වෙන මුස්ලිම්වරු හැටියට හඬ නගපු අය. එස්.ඩබ්ලිව්.ආර්.ඞී බණ්ඩාරණායක මැතිතුමා ශී‍්‍ර.ල.නි.පක්ෂයේ බිහිකරන කොට එතුමාට කිට්ටුවෙන් හිටපු උපදෙස් දීපු බදියුර්දීන් මොහොමඞ් මැතිතුමාත් ඒ වගේම එ.ජා.ප ප‍්‍රදාන තනතුරු මුස්ලිම්වරු හැමදාම හොබවලා තියෙනවා. අපේ පක්ෂයේ සභාපති තනතුරු වගේ ඒවා ඒ.සී.එස් හමීඞ් මැතිතුමාලා, දොස්තර කලීල් මැතිතුමාලා හොබවලා තිබෙනවා. අපේ ආණ්ඩු තිබෙන කොට බාකීර් මාකර් මැතිතුමා කථානායක හැටියට, මොහොමඞ් මැතිතුමා කථානායක හැටියට ඇමතිවරු හැටියට කටයුතු කල හැටි අපිට මතක් වෙනවා.

ඒ වගේම ජාතික සමගියත් බෞද්ධ ඉස්ලාම් සුහදත්වයත් වෙනුවෙන් කලාකරුවන් ලේඛකයන් සාහිත්‍යධරයන් රාශියක් කි‍්‍රයාකළ අයුරු අපිට සිහිපත් වෙනවා. මොහීදීන් බෙග් අපිට අමතක කරන්න බැරි කෙනෙක්. වෙසක් පොසොන් වැනි බෞද්ධ උත්සවවලදී මොහිදීන් බෙග්ගේ සිංදු අහන්න ලැබෙනවා.

අපේ රට බහු ආගමික බහු වාර්ගික රටක්. කුමන ආගමකට කුමන ජාතියකට අයත් වුනත් මේ රටේ ඉපදුන හැම මනුෂ්‍යයෙකුටම මේ රට ගැන අයිතියක් මේ රට ගැන කැක්කුමක් කොයි ආගමකට අයිති වුනත් තිබෙනවා. දැන් යුද්ධය ඉවර වෙලා තිබෙනවා. ආපහු යුද්ධයක් ඇතිනොවන බව විශ්වාසයි. දැන් තිබෙන්නේ යහපාලන හා සංඳියාව ගොඩනගන්න  ඕන යුගයක් කියලා අපි විශ්වාස කරනවා. අපේ ජනතාව ජාති ආගම් වශයෙන් වෙනස් වෙන්න පුළුවන්. නමුත් හැම ආගමකම තිබෙන හරය එයයි. හැම ආගමිකයෙක්ම කියන්නේ සුහදත්වය සහජීනව වර්ධනය කර ගත යුතුයි කියලයි. ජාතික සමගිය එකට ජීවත්වීම ගැන අපි අවබෝධ කර ගතයුතුයි.

2014 ජුනි මාසයේ අවාසනාවන්ත සිදුවීමකට අපිට මුහුණ දෙන්න සිදුවුනා. එවැනි දේවල් කිසිම කෙනෙකු අනුමත කරන්නේ නෑ. එවැනි දේවල් යළි ඇති නොවිය යුතුයි. සිංහල මුස්ලිම් දමිළ ජනතාව එක පවුලක් මෙන් ජීවත් විය යුතු යුගයකට අපි දැන් ඇවිත් තියෙනවා. ඒ වෙනුවෙන් රජය අවධානය යොමු වෙලා තියෙනවා. ජනාධිපතිතුමා, අප‍්‍රාමාත්‍යතුමා වර්තමාන ආණ්ඩුව ඒ සංහිදියාව පිළිබදව දැඩි ලෙස කටයුතු කරන්න සුදානම් වෙලා තියෙනවා.

හිටපු ඉම්තියාස් බාකිර් මාකර් මැතිතුමා, දඹර අමිල හිමි ඇතුළු තවත් භික්ෂූන් වහන්සේලා සහ බේරුවල ප‍්‍රදේශයේ සිංහල හා මුස්ලිම් ජනතාව සහභාගී වී සිටියහ.

(ඡායාරූප ජනමාධ්‍ය අමාත්‍යාංශය)

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10 Habits of Happy Muslim Couples (Part 2 of 2)

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6. They make each other bloom

 

Did you know your spouse was a separate person with a unique mind, heart, body and soul before they married you? And did you know that they still are that individual person, only with you by their side?

 

Marriages begin to go headlong into constant unhappiness when one or both spouses forget this fundamental fact: marriage makes people partners, not parts of each other that must be controlled and bossed over. As unfortunate as the truth may be, your spouse has a lot more roles to play in life than just being your spouse; and whenever you restrict them from doing justice to all their roles, you’re going to be the cause of their constant frustration, which will only spill into your own marital relationship.

 

Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has created each of us to contribute in so many ways during our life on this earth and has blessed us with the potential to be all that He wants us to be. Be that amazing person who motivates, encourages and helps your spouse discover and use their God-given potential and traits to bloom and be a source of joy and mercy to the world. Don’t stop your spouse from being kind and loving to their parents, don’t stop them from being helpful towards their colleagues and relatives, don’t make them cut ties that you know they should keep, don’t compel them to bottle up their talents when you know their skills can be used in a halal way to bring about a lot of good, don’t control their every relationship and acquaintance with other people like an air-traffic controller, don’t bark orders and rules and taunts at them at every opportunity: don’t make your spouse wither into a dull, lifeless, thorny, poisonous weed; because that is not what Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) created them to be – that’s what control freaks make out of the people they live with.

 

Happy Muslim couples are partners in growth and productivity: They acknowledge that their spouse is a slave of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) alone and marriage does not change that. They acknowledge their spouse’s other roles and responsibilities and encourage them to do justice to all of them. They recognize each other’s unique traits and talents and catalyze their spouse’s growth and worth as an individual.

 

 

7. They make time for each other – no matter what!

 

Sorry, there’s just no excuse not to give at least half an hour (okay, 15 minutes when you’re just too exhausted) of undivided attention and love to your spouse. Because the truth is, you’re not married just to slog all day to get money home, or to produce kids and take care of them 24/7. Before you know it, your bosses and jobs will change and you’ll be retiring and replaced, and the kids would’ve married and moved out. And the only person you will be left with is that spouse (read: stranger) you always put second to everything, who would’ve become too used to being neglected over the past 30 years to be that warm companion you’ll desperately be needing in your old age.

 

Your relationship needs exclusive attention every single day. Just like you’re saving everyday to build that comfortable house for the future. What’s the fun if you’re going to end up alone in that house, sleeping next to someone you don’t even recognize anymore? Instead, imagine this: you’re (finally!) going to be alone in that house with the person who’s listened to your worries and stories every night, who you’ve taken walks with everyday, who’s been there to lean on when you’ve been weak, who you’ve celebrated all your achievements and successes with: someone who’s been a friend indeed, every single day. Now is it really that hard to give half an hour of your time everyday to the person who deserves it most?

 

 

8. They fight the real enemies: ego, evil eye and shaytan

 

 

Ego

 

Here’s what the growth curve of a Muslim couple that’s learnt to manage marital conflict looks like:

 

1st year of marriage: blame all conflicts on spouse

2nd year of marriage: blame all conflicts on spouse, shaytan, evil eye and magic (seriously)

3rd year of marriage: blame spouse for ‘causing’ conflict and take nominal blame for reacting absurdly

4th year of marriage: make sure spouse takes at least half the blame for conflicts

5th year of marriage: agree that your spouse has been right all along and there’s something you need to change about yourself

 

If you ask every happily married couple that’s successfully made it past the first five years, they’ll tell you there’s no bigger enemy to marital happiness than: ego.

 

Ego is the defense mechanism of the lower self, and ego in marriage sounds like:

 

This is who I am and you better get used to it”

I wouldn’t have said/done that if you didn’t say/do what you did”

It’s all because of you”

Does it look like I care anyway?”

 

And ego sounds very, very familiar.

 

This is because the lower self is a covert enemy lurking within each and every one of us. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) records Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) observation of the lower human self in the Qur’an:

 

“… Verily, the (human) self is inclined to evil, except when my Lord bestows His Mercy (upon whom He wills). Verily, my Lord is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Qur’an: Chapter 12, Verse 53]

 

This doesn’t mean we are all inherently bad, but that we all have lower selves that are inclined to be oppressive, unruly and unjust; and it is only Allah’s subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) mercy that can make us rise above our destructive, narcissistic lower selves.

 

Why ego is the biggest threat to a marriage is because it is an enemy from within. Ego is like a deceptive double agent that distorts reality and makes us deny and justify the wrongs that our lower selves commit towards our spouses, convincing us that we are right; while we are oppressing our own selves and our spouses and actually walking a path of humiliating self-destruction.

 

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

 

A believer is the mirror of his brother. When he sees a fault in it, he should correct it.”

 

There’s no one who mirrors our souls to us more accurately than our spouse, because no other human being gets to see us as intimately and habitually as they do. As a natural consequence, spouses stand the highest chance of facing our ego: the defensive wrath of our lower selves. But allowing your lower self to prevail in your marriage instead of seeing your marriage as a means to purify yourself is your own (disastrous) choice. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in Surat Ash-Shams:

 

And the soul (self) and He who proportioned it. And inspired it its wickedness and its righteousness. He has succeeded who purifies it, and he has failed who instills it .” [Qur’an: Chapter 91, Verse 7-10]

 

Our spouses actually personify the mercy of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) when they mirror our flaws to us so we can rise above our lower selves. They make us discern our innermost weaknesses that we could not have seen for ourselves, and Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has blessed us with them for our own spiritual purification and salvation.

 

The next time your spouse is desperately trying to get something about yourself across to you:

 

1. Just listen. Listen carefully and objectively, especially if they have been repeating it for a very long time.

2. Control the urge to defend yourself: look for the truth in your spouse’s words first.

3. Ask yourself: “Has anyone pointed this out about me before?” The answer could very likely be a yes, and if it is, then you’re definitely looking at a flaw that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) wants you to work on and get rid of.

4. Realize how merciful Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is being to you through your spouse. Thank Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and your spouse sincerely for caring so much about your success in the hereafter and making you a better person.

 

Try this 4-step exercise the next time you face conflict in your marriage. I promise you’ll see marital conflict in a whole new light: your spouse will no longer be the enemy and you’ll realize just what a big blessing they are for you!

 

 

Evil Eye

 

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

 

The evil eye is real.”

 

I am always in awe of the power of this extremely concise hadith, because it delivers three vital messages about the evil eye in one 5-word sentence:

 

  • the harm of the evil eye is very, very real (in case you were even thinking otherwise)

  • do not put yourself in its way; and

  • take measures to protect yourself from it

 

If you agree with point one, the second and third points just follow naturally. Muslim couples today are actually serving their marriages on exquisitely decorated social media platters for the evil eye to devour: not just the ceremony, but every single verbal and non-verbal marital exchange, meal, meeting, moment, mood and micro-second!

 

You cannot be friends with 500+ people on social media, half of whom may be trying hard to get married for a long time and keep shoving your marital happiness in their face. Not only is it unnecessary, it is highly insensitive.

 

Happy Muslim couples do share their marital happiness, but sensibly. Before sharing anything about your marital life with the public, ask yourself:

 

Is it necessary to share it with all the people I’m about to disclose it to?

Will it make any of them long to be in my position?

Is it better off being private?

 

Not putting your marriage in the way of the evil eye is the first way of protecting it from its harm. Reading the morning and evening adhkar, the duas prescribed for protection against the evil eye as well as constantly thanking Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) for your marriage and your spouse fortifies this protection immensely.

 

 

Shaytan

 

Remember all that incomprehensible pre-wedding drama between your spouse’s family and yours, or those regular ridiculous flare-ups that you realize made absolutely no sense after you and your spouse cooled down (e.g.: when “why did you turn off the light when you know I was reading?” ends in “marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life!” – W.H.A.T?!): yes, all those absurd, bizarre arguments that sprang out of nothing and all the other senseless discord in your marriage are the best compliments of shaytan.

 

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

 

Iblis (shaytan) places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife. The Satan goes near him and says: ‘You have done well and then embraces him.”

 

Shaytan doesn’t have any principles when he seeks to create marital discord: in fact, the rule is that he attacks from where you least expect it. Like through your normally loving, religious and sensible parent/sibling/well-wisher who begins to magnify some irrelevant flaw in your spouse that was somehow never an issue before you tied the knot. Shaytan perpetuates his whispers through their tongues, and you unwittingly believe them because they are your loved ones. And thus begins insane marital strife.

 

Here’s how to protect your marriage from the shaytan:

 

  • Read the mu’awwadhatayn (Surat Al-Falaq and Surat An-Nas) and morning and evening adhkar daily.

  • If your spouse is behaving in a way or saying things they normally don’t, politely say: “honey, let’s not let the shaytan get to us.” This is a tried and tested way to defuse a senseless argument before it starts.

  • If you find yourself starting to get angry, seek refuge in Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) from the shaytan immediately.

  • If you hear anything negative about your spouse from anyone, examine the words for signs of shaytan’s whispers and traps. If there’s anything that may cause you to have even the slightest ill-feeling or resentment towards your spouse, consciously recall all the good in your spouse and compare it to what’s being said about them: you’ll see the false/irrelevant claims quickly dissipating.

 

9. They sense each other’s stress

 

You know those times when your spouse is just not being their normal self or getting ticked off by every little thing? Or when you do something special and they didn’t even seem to notice? If you look a little deeper, you’ll find there’s definitely something that’s bothering them (and it is not you). No matter how annoyingly they may be behaving, try to find out what’s wrong; try to sense their stress. They’ll most likely be having a problem at work, be down with an illness or close to that time of the month, or the kids would’ve done a fantastic job at driving them mad all day. Shaytan waits to use these moments of stress to spark an argument, because the spouse under stress doesn’t have the energy to fight him when their mind is exhausted by other troubles. He waits for the calmer spouse to eventually get annoyed, pick up the bait and say “what’s gotten into you?” and BAM! If you focus on putting your finger on what’s bothering your spouse and offering them support instead of getting worked up yourself, you immediately kill one more chance for shaytan to get to your marriage. Happy Muslim couples empathize with one another. Once you’ve figured out what’s bothering your spouse, give them the space, comfort or help they need to de-stress. Ask them if they’d like to take a nap, be alone for sometime, take a break from the kids, get some help with their work or spend some time with their friends or family, if it’ll make them feel better. Agree with your spouse to do this whenever either of you is acting out till you learn to sense each other’s stress just through your expressions, and your mutual intuition develops into a beautiful, unspoken language of care and understanding.

 

10. They are conscious of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) in conflict

 

There isn’t a single marriage where there isn’t any conflict or disagreement of some sort or degree. It is only the way in which conflicts are managed that distinguishes the health of one marriage from the other.

 

Of all the ways to manage and minimize marital conflict, the most powerful way is remembering that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is watching our every single move and expression, and hearing our every single word. And it is all being recorded for a Day when He subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) will be the Judge. Bringing this to mind during conflict helps us refrain from giving in to our lower selves and the whispers of Shaytan in the heat of the moment, and saves the marriage from a lot of irreversible, long-term damage.

 

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

 

I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right… ”

 

And when he ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) was asked by Mu’adh bin Jabal raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him):

 

O Prophet of Allah, will we be brought to account for what we say?’ He said: ‘May your mother not find you, O Mu’adh! Are people thrown onto their faces in Hell for anything other than the harvest of their tongues?'”

 

The truth is, hell begins on earth when the tongue isn’t controlled during marital conflict. The humiliation and hurt inflicted by the tongue sows deep resentment and spite. That’s why Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in the Qur’an:

 

And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces among them. Indeed Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy.”[Qur’an: Chapter 17, Verse 53]

 

If you disagree with your spouse over anything or are hurt by something they did or said, bring Allah’s presence to mind first to help lower your anger and approach the issue calmly. Then put your concerns across as gently as possible because gentleness is far more likely to make your spouse see your point than lashing out at them. The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said to Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her):

 

Aisha! show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out from anything it damages it.”

 

Marriage in a nutshell

 

I remember giving a talk on love and relationships to an audience of young girls when I’d been married for just about two years. In my talk, I’d mentioned the verse of the Qur’an where Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says:

 

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity…” [Qur’an: Chapter 24, Verse 26]

 

In the Q&A session, a girl from the audience asked: “but what about all those couples we see where one spouse is so good and the other is the complete opposite?”

 

I’d answered: “The verse is the general rule, but Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) may choose to test some of us through our spouses.”

 

Just then, someone in the front row of the audience put up her hand and requested to speak. She was one of the other guest speakers, a renowned author and a woman full of wisdom, and someone who was married for many more years than me. She said:

 

What a person looks like to us is not necessarily what they are behind closed doors. So before judging whether a person is right or wrong for someone, remember that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) chooses spouses for us not to test us but to help us purify and improve our own selves.”

 

Three years from that talk and I still haven’t come across a greater truth about marriage. Indeed, as Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) said, in this beautiful relationship are signs for those who give thought. Marital happiness is not an end but a state; a state that can easily be achieved by just seeing marriage for what it really is: a means of attaining physical, emotional and spiritual tranquility through the loving and merciful companionship of a spouse.

 

Author : Zaynab Chinoy

 

10 Habits of Happy Muslim Couples (Part 1 of 2)

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What does it take to stay Muslim, married and extremely happy today? As oxymoronic as that just sounded, believe it or not, it’s absolutely possible!

 

Marriage, especially for Muslims, is a lot more than having someone to call a husband or wife. The marital relationship is an incredible blessing and divine sign, as Allah Ta'ala says in the Qur’an:

 

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [Qur’an: Chapter 30, Verse 21]

 

The whole purpose of having a spouse is to find tranquility in and with them; and our relationships with our spouses have signs that Allah Ta'ala is asking us to give thought to.

How are some Muslim couples finding this tranquility in their marriage while many others seem to be having a miserable time?

 

What are those couples whose eyes exude deep love and contentment doing right in their relationships?

 

Here are the top 10 habits of Muslim couples who’ve found tranquility and happiness in their marriage:

 

 

1. They love each other for Allah’s sake

 

What does it mean to love each other for Allah’s sake? It means you make the love and obedience of Allah Ta'ala the basis and focus of your relationship with someone else. It means you love someone so much that you want your love for them to last beyond this lifetime and into the Hereafter, where you can live in eternal happiness with them having earned Allah’s pleasure together. It means you love someone purely because of how much they remind you of Allah Ta'ala and help you get closer to Him.

 

Hold it right there. I know what you just thought: “but my wife/husband doesn’t remind me of Allah at all.”

 

A lot of people who marry each other even for primarily religious reasons end up disappointed after marriage when they suddenly find their spouse not praying all the sunnah prayers (like they thought they would) or reading the Qur’an everyday or the morning and evening adhkar or fasting Mondays and Thursdays or being excited about attending halaqahs or praying tahajjud or doing something for the Ummah – like they thought they would. Our own restrictions of spirituality to acts of physical or outward worship blind us from seeing how much our spouses contribute to improving our character, which is an unsurpassed form of spiritual growth, because the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) says:

 

Nothing is placed on the Scale that is heavier than good character. Indeed the person with good character will have attained the rank of the person of fasting and prayer.”

 

Your spouse has loved you for Allah’s sake every time they have:

  • stopped you from harboring suspicions or ill-will (about your boss or competitor or any other annoying person in your life)

  • stopped you from backbiting (about your friends, colleagues, in-laws (ahem))

  • helped you be more kind and gentle in your speech and manners (to helpers, waiters, laborers, siblings, elders and children)

  • helped you fulfill people’s trusts (by encouraging you to get to work on time and do the best at your job, to pay off your debts, to keep people’s secrets)

  • helped you be more honest with yourself or to others

  • helped you forgive someone and overlook their faults

  • helped you become more generous or less extravagant

  • helped you recognize and overcome the weaknesses of your inner self

 

 

In all of the above and so many other times that go unnoticed, committed Muslim spouses consistently help each other get closer to Allah Ta'ala. They stop each other from anything that may lower them in the sight of Allah Ta'ala and constantly help each other win Allah’s love.

 

Truly happy Muslim couples engage in winning Allah’s pleasure together whenever and in any way they can: they glorify Allah Ta'ala together in the quiet hours of Fajr, they thank Allah Ta'ala in tahajjud together, they make it a point to read a minimum amount of Qur’an everyday, they do regular or even random acts of kindness and charity and they maintain loving and happy ties with each other’s families.

 

 

2. They are grateful for each other

 

If there is one fundamental need that exists in every single human relationship, it is the need to feel relevant and appreciated. And there is no other relationship where this need is as grossly overlooked and abused, as in marriage. Why does this happen? Is it because humans tend to take things for granted, especially when they’re done by those closest to them?

When you’re newly married, every single thing your spouse does for you feels so special. As time goes by, your husband going out to work hard and earn for the family becomes normal; and a few years later it becomes “his duty anyway”. Similarly, every meal your new bride cooks is delightful, then somehow the salt always seems to keep getting lesser, till eventually she’s “not doing anyone a favor by just doing her job”.

 

Sounds familiar? Oh yes, ungrateful Muslim spouse speaking right there!

 

Happy Muslim couples live and breathe this hadith in their marriage:

 

He who does not thank the people is not thankful to Allah.”

 

What is not there to thank your spouse for? Here are 5 reasons to thank your spouse right now:

  1. For providing you a roof to live under/for making a home out of your house

  2. For buying you clothes to wear/for making sure you have clean clothes to wear everyday

  3. For buying you the food you eat everyday/for making delicious meals for you everyday

  4. For being there to take you where you need to go/for being there to take care of the house when you’re away

  5. For coming back home to you every evening/for being the person you can come home to everyday

 

Allah Ta'ala says in the Qur’an:

 

“… If you are grateful, I will surely increase you ; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.” [Qur’an: Chapter 14, Verse 7]

 

Our spouses are an immense favor and blessing of Allah Ta'ala upon us: they are an irreplaceable source of spiritual, emotional, mental and physical comfort. Happy Muslim couples keep getting happier because they simply implement the command of Allah Ta'ala in the above verse: They are grateful everyday for each other, so Allah Ta'ala increases the happiness they find in each other, just like He promised.

 

The verse doesn’t end there though. The last half of the verse should send a chill down every married person’s spine: “…if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.”

 

How many times have our egos stopped us from acknowledging and appreciating our spouses? How many times have we denied all the good they’ve done for us through a single word or sentence in the middle of a senseless argument? Every conflict left unresolved, every hurtful word exchanged and every baseless complaint is a refusal to value one of Allah’s best gifts to us: a spouse. It is a denial of a favor Allah Ta'ala has blessed us with that many are longing for. And you don’t have to wait for the Hereafter to bear the consequences of such denial. Days of depression, frustration, anger, spite, lack of barakah (blessing), and even illness and hardships make life living hell for those who refuse to be grateful in their marriages.

 

Allah Ta'ala also says in the Qur’an:

 

And as for your Lord’s favor, then discourse about it! (i.e., proclaim it).” [Qur’an: Chapter 93, Verse 11]

 

So if you aren’t doing so already, stop holding back and proclaim to your spouse how grateful you are for them!

 

You and your spouse can start becoming grateful for each other right now by:

 

  • thanking each other for at least one thing everyday: you could do this through a text message, a note in a lunchbox or on the fridge, or just before you go to sleep at night (brothers, I promise you will not decrease in height if you do this)

  • exchanging a smile that says “thank you, you mean the world to me”

  • saying “thank you/jazak Allah khayr” every time your spouse does something for you

  • getting/doing small things for your spouse that you know they will absolutely love

  • writing down things about each other you’re grateful for in a journal and exchanging your journals regularly: journaling makes you reflect, realize and truly internalize what you’re thinking about. There’s nothing better than internalizing the gratitude you feel towards your spouse; and there’s nothing more heart-warming for them to read than what you’ve written from the depths of your heart!

3. They communicate like best friends

 

What a Whatsapp conversation looks like a few years into a typical marriage:

 

Need bread.”
“K.”

I mean, c’mon: “K”?? Not even an “o” to make that miserable “k” look a little less miserable?!

What happens to married people’s manners, interest, enthusiasm and most importantly good assumptions when talking to their spouses? Is it okay to talk this way because you’re just so used to someone? Why do we not talk this way to people we’ve been friends with for years? What makes a spouse less-deserving of respect, enthusiasm and affection when no one deserves it more than them (except our parents) for choosing to live every single day with us? Why do we not talk to our spouses like we talk to our best friends, even though they are much closer to us than anyone will ever be?

 

Happy Muslim couples talk like best friends, in good times and in conflict. In good times, they wait to tell each other about their day, they joke, laugh, share ideas, flirt, compliment each other, respect their spouse’s right to hold different opinions and learn from each other’s opposing points of view. In fact, happy Muslim couples communicate just like the Prophet(Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) and his wives did.

 

Aisha (Radiallahu Anha) narrated that:

Allah’s Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) said to her: “I know when you are pleased with me or angry with me.” I said, “Whence do you know that?” He said, “When you are pleased with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ but when you are angry with me, then you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Abraham.’ ” Thereupon I said, “Yes (you are right), but by Allah, O Allah’s Messenger, I leave nothing but your name.”

 

Couples that have learnt to communicate effectively do away with the majority of marital stress because they become so attuned to each other’s feelings that they can immediately sense the emotional state of their spouse through the slightest change in words or tone.

 

And as our beloved Aisha (Radiallahu Anha) put it so beautifully – even in anger; happy, loving Muslim spouses never desert anything more than each other’s name when they try to communicate that they feel wronged or hurt. They never desert love and respect for each other in conflict: this, is the key to staying happy in your marriage.

 

 

4. They never lose focus of each other’s primary needs

 

What I’ve personally discovered through my own marriage and from those of all the people who’ve discussed marital issues with me, is that the primary reason for continuous marital stress and discord is almost always due to the neglect of a spouse’s primary needs.

A lot of books (by Muslim and non-Muslim authors alike) tend to classify primary marital needs based on gender or a spouse’s role in the marriage. You must’ve definitely read about men’s primary needs being respect and physical satisfaction, and that women prioritize the need for love, verbal expression and emotional satisfaction. However true these classifications may seem in theory, they’re far from practical reality, because the truth is: both men and women need love, respect, physical and emotional satisfaction, just in different degrees and ways of expression.

 

Men and women are equally human: Allah Ta'ala has created both genders with a sense of human dignity, with physical desires and with hearts that have feelings. When wives get snappy and say mean things to their spouses, husbands do feel hurt and unloved; and when husbands are rude and hurl insults at their spouses, wives do feel humiliated and disrespected. When a woman’s physical desires are consistently dismissed or left half-fulfilled, she feels as frustrated as a man in such situations does; and when a man never hears any words of appreciation or admiration, he feels as underappreciated and unvalued as a woman in these situations does.

 

Every marriage is made up of two unique people of opposite genders. That’s why, what works for one couple may not necessarily work in your marriage, because you and your spouse are different people altogether with different preferences, priorities and circumstances. For this reason, generally accepted theories that may apply to many marriages may not apply to many others because different people are different. And happy Muslim couples have this figured out. It is extremely crucial for the health of your marriage that you sit down with your spouse and figure out what is important to them, and how they’ve always expected you to fulfill those needs for them.

 

Here’s how to figure out and focus on fulfilling your spouse’s primary needs:

 

  1. Ask your spouse: “What is the one thing you cannot do without in this marriage?” Give them options to think about like love, respect, emotional or physical satisfaction, financial security, a peaceful or Islamic environment at home, etc.

  2. Ask them for examples of how they want these needs fulfilled: “How have you always expected me to do this for you?” Give them examples to help them figure out their preferences: ask them if they expect you to get small surprise gifts regularly, verbally compliment them more, take the initiative to pray or read and reflect on the Qur’an together, plan date nights, consult them before making a significant decision, talk to them in a certain way, dress up and prepare special surprise meals at home with the kids asleep, not say certain things in arguments, etc.

  3. Write down their needs and preferences.

  4. Make dua and sincere effort to fulfill your spouse’s primary needs: ask Allah Ta'ala to help you make your spouse happy, and then actively think of and create easy ways to do what is important to your spouse.

 

 

5. They are the comfort of each other’s eyes

 

Happy Muslim couples strive to be the comfort of each other’s eyes. They seek to be the answer to the dua that Allah Ta'ala has taught us to make:

And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”” [Qur’an: Chapter 25, Verse 74]

What does it take to become a beautiful sight to look at?

 

Smile at your spouse

 

When was the last time you beamed at your spouse or saw your spouse smiling lovingly at you? Okay, I shouldn’t have asked that question because you’d probably need to time travel back into the ancient past. Smile when you open the door to your tired husband, smile when you get to see your wife after a long day at work, smile at the mother/father of your child for giving you such a beautiful gift; let your smile be the last thing your spouse sees before they close their eyes to sleep. Smile because there’s no reason not to.

 

Look good for your spouse

 

The noble companion Ibn Abbas (Radiallahu Anhu) is reported to have said:

 

I like to take care of my appearance for my wife just as I like for her to take care of her appearance for me. This is because Allah Ta'ala says: “And they (women) have rights similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable.” ”

 

You are the only man/woman your spouse is allowed to look at from head to toe, so please don’t be an eye sore! Yes, make this your mantra. Tell yourself this every time you look in the mirror at your unkempt hair, permanent pyjamas or neglected body. Looking good for your spouse is as important (and as easy) as everything else you do everyday like eating or sleeping.

 

It takes a maximum of 20 minutes to: shower, put on some attractive clothes and perfume, comb your hair and apply a dash of make-up (men: you don’t have to do the last bit so you have even less of an excuse!). Make these 20 minutes a fixed part of your routine, ideally just before your spouse gets home or before you sit down to relax at home after work.

Looking good for each other has even more to do with maintaining your health and fitness. You need to do this for your own self before anyone else. Slot in an hour at least everyday to work on your physical and mental fitness: work out wherever and whenever it is convenient for you, but make sure you do and your spouse makes time for their fitness too. There’s nothing more attractive to a spouse than having that healthy glow and fit physique!

 

Be their source of comfort and support

 

Who do you think of turning to when you’re depressed, afraid or going through a tough time? If your spouse was the first person that came to your mind, you have a wonderful marriage Alhamdulillah. Because that’s what Muslim spouses do: they are each other’s refuge, just like the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) and his wives were to each other.

 

When the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) received the revelation for the first time, he began trembling with fear and ran to his wife Khadijah (Radiallahu Anha) seeking comfort and reassurance saying:

 

O Khadijah! What is wrong with me? I was afraid that something bad might happen to me.” Then he told her the story. Khadijah (Radiallahu Anha) said, “Nay! But receive the good tidings! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you, for by Allah, you keep good relations with your kith and kin, speak the truth, help the poor and the destitute, entertain your guests generously and assist those who are stricken with calamities.”

 

To be continued...

   

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