Tuesday, 13 November 2018 17:43
Points to assist a declining marriage
The Hadith questions the manhood of a person who beats his wife up during the day and derives pleasure from her during the night. Good marriages require patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness, and hard work. Following these basic principles should help any marriage to improve. The essence of them all can be summed up in one sentence: Always treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated.
Amidst busy schedules and tasks on the parts of both women and men, Muslim husbands and wives tend to forget the real reasons behind marriage and likewise the rights of each other. Subsequently, they deprive themselves, their mates and their children of the happiness and tranquility that is the bedrock of a successful family. This unbalanced vision towards a couple’s ideal relationship is bad enough to plunge the family into a situation laden with troubles and worries.
Negative Relationship between Husband & Wife
Some Muslim spouses relate to each other like adversaries rather than life time partners. The husband assumes the position of dictator, and whatever he says is not law. The wife on the other hand feels that she must squeeze everything she can out of her husband. Some wives do not express their gratitude to their husbands irrespective of how much the man may do for her. Instead they adopt an attitude of ‘never enough’ and make the husband feel like a failure if he does not provide every want and desire their extravagant lifestyles dictate. Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in family matters. Moreover certain husbands become so cold and miserly that even the basic expenditure for the house is difficult to come by.
Nikah – A divine institution
The Nikah bond has been divinely established for the welfare and upkeep of a healthy and progressive community. This divine prescription has been unjustly utilised as a vehicle to perpetrate oppression, deception, humiliation, and abuse. Allah Ta’ala describes marriage very differently in the Noble Quran: ‘And from his signs are, He created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may live in tranquillity with them, and instilled love and mercy between your (hearts) . . . “(30:21)
Head of the Home
The position Islam has accorded to the man as the head of the home is a responsibility which will be accounted for, rather than a privilege which should be abused. We are taught to treat our wives well. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has reported to have said: ‘The person possessing the most perfect faith is one who has excellent behaviour, and the best among you are those who are best towards their wives” (Mishkat)
Be Partners in Decision Making
Follow the principle of ‘Shura,” (consultation) and make decisions as a family. Implementing this Sunnah within the home increases harmony and love between family members. It will also assist in enhancing trust and loyalty between spouses and the children.
Abuse
Abstain totally from every form of emotional, mental, or physical abuse to your spouse.
Watch Your Words
Be very careful what you say when you are upset. The wounds afflicted to the heart of a person by words will never heal and remain a lifelong memory. Sometimes you will say things that you would never say when you were not angry. Apply the directives found in the Hadith for suppression of anger.
Work Together in the House
Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) consistently assisted his wives with household chores. When Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) did not consider the housework trivial, how can we today obligate our wives to all the house work and much more?
Communication is Important
Talk to each other, communicate, have a dialogue, but do it respectfully. Husbands and wives need to talk to each other. It is better to deal with problems early and honestly than to let them pile up until they explode.
Live Simply
Do not envy or cast your gaze towards those spouses who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. Be pleased with what you have. The grass will always look greener on the other side. The wealthiest person is the one who has attained contentment of heart. To develop the quality of contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more. Repeatedly thank Allah Ta’ala for the many blessings in your life.
Admit Your Mistakes
When you make a mistake, admit it. When your mate makes a mistake, excuse him or her easily. If possible, never sleep angry with each other.
Past Problems
Everything that has happened is history. Repent for the past and live for the future. Do not focus discussion on the past unless it is something that will make both of you laugh.
The Duaa for a blissful marriage: “Allahumma rabana hab lana min azwaajinaa wa zurriyyatina qurrata a-ayun waj-alna lil muttaqeena imaama” (O Allah! grant us such wives and offspring who will be a source of coolness for our eyes, and make us leaders of the Allah-Fearing)
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Tuesday, 13 November 2018 17:42
read time: 2 min
The Prophet ﷺ said,
“No one who has an atom’s-weight of Pride in his heart will enter Paradise.” A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, what if a man likes his clothes and his shoes to look good?” He ﷺ said, “Allah is Beautiful and loves beauty, Pride means rejecting the truth and looking down on people”(Sahih Muslim).
Commentary:
The word or the name for arrogance/pride in Arabic is ‘Kibr’. This is the inner quality of pride. The name of the outward quality is ‘Takabbur’ which means arrogance.
Arrogance is a blameworthy characteristic which is the feature of Iblees and his followers in this world, those on whose hearts Allah Ta'ala has placed a seal.
11 Signs of a Person Having Pride/Arrogance:
▪ He doesn’t like others to have what he has
▪ He cannot avoid anger
▪ He cannot avoid being jealous of others
▪He doesn’t accept advice from others
▪He doesn’t want to listen or accept advice from a learned person or even attend lessons
▪ When advising people he always puts them down
▪ When speaking he will say good remarks about himself
▪ When he speaks he speaks with pride to let people know he has knowledge
▪He deals with people in bad way
▪ He walks in bad way
▪ He has looks down at people because he is wealthier, or has a better appearance.
The cure for arrogance involves Knowledge and Action which involves the following remedies:
Firstly, you should know and recognise your Lord and know and recognise your own self as you should be recognised, and that you are not worthy of greatness and that true greatness and pride are only for Allah Ta'ala
Secondly, you should think of yourself as being just like other people and realize that they are like you; they were born from a mother and a father just as you were, and that taqwa (piety, fear of Allah) is the true criterion of superiority.
Allah Ta'ala says (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At Taqwa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)” (Al-Hujuraat, 49:13).
And finally, know and realize that on the Day of Resurrection the person with pride will be gathered in a small form like an ant which will be trampled underfoot as The Prophet ﷺ said: “On the Day of Resurrection, the arrogant will be gathered like ants in the form of men. Humiliation will overwhelm them from all sides. They will be driven to a prison in Hell called Bawlas, with the hottest fire rising over them, and they will be given to drink of the juice of the inhabitants of Hell, which is teenat al-khabaal” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi).
Arrogant people are hated by other people just as they are hated by Allah Ta'ala; people love humble, tolerant and gentle people, and they hate those who are harsh and cruel to people.
And Allah knows best!
Dont forget to forward to others.
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